Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
