i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
