New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
