Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
