Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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