I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Randomize
