I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
