I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
