I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
