But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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