It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
