I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
