Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
