When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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