Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
