ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
