return my video game
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
