He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
