I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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