We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
