wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
