sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
