??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I want to make a zoo with you.
My cat gives me a boner
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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