We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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