went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
