New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
