i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
