So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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