look no pants
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
