found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
