I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
