i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize