You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
