If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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