I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
