He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
