I heard we made out
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
