I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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