it wasn't lemon gatorade
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
