cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
