she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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