You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
