Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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