Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
