Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
