i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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