You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
