Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
