is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
