dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
