Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
