yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
