Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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