he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
