after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
