Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
