I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Your tits are I can't wait for
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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