fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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