problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
