alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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