Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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