he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
