The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
