The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Randomize
