Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
