I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
