Plan B is the new Plan A
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
