This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
