EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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