well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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